Geeks are cool .... you're a poser

"So Jill said you were a geek, I know we will be best friends then because I am such a total geek too! I love Harry Potter I read it like twice"

"What's Dumbledores full name?"

"Huh"

"DUMBLEDORE! what is is full name?"

"Um, Albus?"

"Wow I think I would rather gouge my own eye out with a spork than be your friend"

    Now Knowing Dumbledore's full name is not exactly a prerequisite to being my friend, it's Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore if you were wondering, but if you are going to try to establish your geekhood based on HP it seems like something you should obviously know. Most diehards memorized it by accident.

In case your wondering that was pulled from real life conversations. I am a geek and I make no bones about it. The things I geek out about may have changed over time but my basic inner Sheldon has remained.In Jr high and high school I was a theater, chess, and choir geek. Books and music were my life with a bit of rugby thrown in for anger management. 

Now I am a book and music geek who runs a bi weekly game of D&D, plays magic the gathering, and gets more excited by a spirited, yet civil, debate than a naked Colin Farrell (ok well maybe that is a toss up) but my geekness remains an integral part of me.

The problem (?) is that somewhere along the way being a geek became cool, I used to think I wanted to be cool but now I have changed my mind. People pretending to be what I am annoys the shit out of me. It is bad enough I have to live in a world surrounded by idiots but now they are pretending we have something in common. It is kind of insulting. 

why yes, my friends were raised in a barn

I did an experiment and it turns out as much as we claim otherwise human beings prefer to be in a dirty home.

This is a great revelation on a few levels.

1) if you don't want company, just clean like the queen is coming. Never, not once, have I swept, scrubbed, and scoured every surface in my home only to have unexpected company arrive while it still smelled lemony fresh.

2) If you are lonely or in a funk just stop cleaning. Yesterday I did no housework, I didn't even wash dishes. My floors had three kids worth of dirt on them, and my trash can was over flowing. I had NINE count 'em NINE unexpected guest last night.

Now I am not basing my conclusions on one occurrence. This has happened countless times in my life. To the point I want a sign that says

My house was clean yesterday

sorry you missed it

 Not only do I GET more company when my house is a pig stye, they stay longer. If a friend does accidentally wander in on a tidy home I can almost guarantee they will be gone again in 5 mins. However if it smells vaguely of 'eau de what the hell is that anyways?' they will stay and chat for hours, then ask to see the baby's room .......

Stupid people are breeding .....

I just ran across this post on Facebook. 

Is pretty grossed out and will never be drinking pepsi and probably never pop after reading about them using the fetal cells from aborted babies in there flavoring!! Pretty grossed out!!

Seriously? you believe this? for even a second .... god I wish I could unfriend you!

If only there was some way you could just type in a few key words and get all the information you wanted about a subject without even leaving your computer. Any techie people want to help me design one, I am thinking of calling it "Google"  and then maybe after that we could create a fact checking site and call it something crazy like "snopes"

Seriously I am so tired of these fear mongering post being passed around. It makes me scared because most of the people doing it have reproduced or will someday, I am starting to wondering if there  has been some prolific inbreeding in my area over the last few generations to cause this spike in stupidity?

Lets take fact checking right out of it for a moment. Do you REALLY think a company as profitable as Pepsi would do something so STUPID  to endanger their earnings? Common sense tells me this is bullshit, fact checking just gave me proof of what a moron you are.

 If this was a once in a while thing I could probably handle it. Last year it was a craze over an influx of "poisonous caterpillars" well the picture of this new and deadly species that had invaded the area was the same as the pet I had 15 years ago, checked with dad he he played with them as a kid too, in fact his pet brontosaurus liked to eat them. 

There was people freaking out over babyfood recalls, if you read the article it affected food on another continent , every week it is something new. Once ina w hile I get taken in too, but some people I just want to set their home page to www.snopes.com

Childhood Promises

We all made them. We promised to be friends forever, to be godparents to our friends future children, to be in each others weddings. Once upon a time promises were easy to make. In the adult world however they are often hard to keep and sometimes you have to wonder if you are really bound by a promise you made 10 or 20 years ago.

The answer is generally no. As adults we all know that things don't always work out the way we envisioned them. However if you are still friends with the person over a decade later even if you can't keep your promise, the friendship is obviously important enough that you at least owe an explanation.

Lets say Jen and Jane have a pact to name their children after each other using middle names. 10 years after graduation Jane has the first baby. Rather that using Daniel as a first or middle name (Danielle was Jen's middle name) she names the baby John Alexander. Jen's feelings are understandably hurt, a promise was broken. However if Jane takes the time to explain John and Alexander were her husbands twin brother who died in a car accident as children it would save a lot of hurt feelings.

If on the other hand Jane just names the child and figures Jen won't care she is probably sadly mistaken.

Are you talking to me?

See I thought we were having a conversation but now I am not sure since you keep reading and replying to text messages. Why would you ask my opinion and then only give me about 20% of your attention as I answer you? If those text were about your grandmother who is dying with cancer I could understand having to answer them the second they come in but they aren't.

It is your boyfriend texting how much he loves you for the hundredth time today, or your friend asking what you are wearing to the party tomorrow night.  I had a cell once upon a time and I loved texting for a reason. You wanna know what that reason was?

It was because I could find out what people had to say when it was convenient for me!

Honestly there is a time and a place for text messaging and it isn't when someone is trying to interact with you face to face. Some people are just way too "plugged in" these days. Don't bitch that I never come to visit  you when every time I do you spend the entirety of my visit at your computer playing on facebook.

Oh and while I am bitching why on earth can you not just SPEAK to the person on the other end of the couch? Do you have to text? I was taught that it was rude to whisper because other people in the room may be uncomfortable thinking you are whispering about them. You know what same goes for texting. If you want to have a private conversation with your friend GO SOMEWHERE PRIVATE. Texting them from 4 ft away is the equivalent of whispering in public.

Your life isn't that interesting

I love to talk. Face to face, on the phone, even online. I like it so much I even talk to myself on this blog. I like listening to other people talk as well. A good story can make my day. My Friends always have an ear for tales of stupidity on behalf of their husbands or offspring.

What I don't want to hear is a conversation I have no part in. Brief snatches of conversation in a mall or restaurant amuse me. Especially if it is something that kinda makes me wonder. I once was waiting for a movie and heard "You'd swear my clitoris was the Holy Grail the amount of time it takes him to find it". It left me with a lot to ponder while I waited for the movie to start.

I can't stand people though who talk so loud I have no choice but to endure their entire conversation. I think the amount I am exposed to this increases accordingly with cell phone sales but it could just be that I am getting bitchier by the year.

While strolling the aisles of the grocery store debating between Tostitos or Doritos I don't want a play by play of your grandmother's hysterectomy, your child's bowel movements or your husband's affair. However if I have to hear about it then I think I should be allowed to give my two cents.

Flaunting your dirty laundry in public is asking for input. Even if that input is that you are an attention seeking whore (hey you discussed at 80 decibels not knowing who the dad would be if that pregnancy test in your hand came out positive) you have no right to complain about it if you opened the can of worms.

There is a place to discuss things that are nobodies business but your own and that is in private.

So think twice before discussing this in public. Use your indoor voice and remember if you don't you may forever be used as a bad example in cyberspace.

Sometimes corporal punishment IS the answer

Some days by the time supper rolls around you are just to exhausted to cook. There could be a million reasons for that but for me it is usually child related. The idea of having someone not only cook for me but also clean up the mess afterwards is nearly enough to make me weak in the knees these days so I pack up the kids and husband and head to the local family friendly restaurant.

Notice I said "family friendly" not 5 star. I like going somewhere that I don't have to worry too much if my nine year old erupts into an uncontrollable giggle fit after farting. A place where my one year old blowing raspberries isn't likely to get me the death look. After all they are kids and shit happens (If I am lucky in a diaper or toilet)

Kids being kids doesn't bother me at all. What irritates the shit out of me on the other hand is parents NOT being parents. Why would you let your kid run around a restaurant, kick airplane seats, Carry on in a movie theater or otherwise irritate the crap out of everyone around them. Telling them 100 times "oh sweetie, that's not nice" is not going to change the behavior obviously or it would have worked the first time. Honestly you can't blame the kid for being an out of control brat though when the parents lack a backbone.

Sometimes I will grin and bear it, other times I leave. Once in a while I say something to the kid that usually startles the parent into doing something or gets me told off. EVERY time though what I really want to do is beat the parent.