Saturday, May 19, 2012

Did someone in here loose a grandma ?

Yeah there is a sentence you never thought you woudl hear at work.

Thursday morning I found out hubby wasn't working what I thought he was so in order to share a car I would have to drive to 30 mins and then home to take him in. 40 mins there and back for me to work, and then another 30 mins and home to get him at the end of his day. Like my days are not full enough.

So I called my gram. She doesn't drive but she does have a car.

She said no problem but asked if she could come with me so she could go out for a birthday dinner. FRAK! I forgot Grams Bday. I am the worst grand daughter ever.

:"are you sure gram I have to work for 2 hours"

"yeah I want to have a nice dinner, and coffee, and dessert"

"yeah but two  hours is a long time"

there was no talking her out of it. one thing about grandma is that she is stubborn. So i walk down to her place before work and her and I take off to the town where I work. I get to town 15 mins early and ask where she wants to eat.

"Gram that restaurant is in the town where hubby works"

"oh"

Condition red! Condition RED!

 I have to work. I can't leave a room full of grade-schoolers unattended! shit shit shit, what am I gonna do now?

Grandma to the rescue "well there is a restaurant right down the street that I used to really like"

Um yeah turns out there USED to be a restaurant there, probably 40 years ago!

FRAK I am gonna be late. so we keep driving looking for a restaurant and she spots a sign for Pauls. She has had their fish and Chips in the past so she wants to go there. Of course there is a problem with this plan and I tried real hard to explain it to her.

"um. that's  a bar"

"I don't care I like their food"

"yeah but gram, you can't spend the next TWO HOURS at a bar. What are you going to do there?"

apparently she was going to do whatever she damn well pleased because she was a grown ass woman  and if she wanted to go to a bar for her 77th Birthday she was gonna damn well go to the bar.

I know a lost cause when I see one so I watched gram make her way up the back steps, to the lounge, holding the railing tightly and supporting herself with her cane.  Now not only have I forgotten my grand mothers bday but I am leaving her at  bar for two hours. This made me OFFICIALLY the worst gran daughter ever. I was never going to top this.

I held onto that delusion for an hour.

I went to work (I teach an after school science program) and made it through an uneventful hour with my Kindergarten to grade 2 students. There is a bad flu going around so we have only five kids. My boss and I share that class so I was filling her in on grandma drama while the kids were doing their weeks experiment. At the end of the class all the moms filed in to collect their kids and one came up to us

"Did one of you loose a grandma?"

Oh no, could the floor just swallow me up now? please. Shit I am stil standing here. I am gonna have to answer her. 

"What happened?"

"I found her wandering around. She is in my car"

"what?"

"Yeah she said she was going to the high school"

Oh sweet merciful Zeus. I don't work at the high school gram. If she had taken you there I would have never found you. I am never taking that woman out in public again!!

"Where did you find her?"

Turns out she was heading in the wrong direction to get to either my school OR the high school.

So I went and got her and brought her into my classroom. My boss at this time is laughing nearly uncontrollably. She made it 15 mins through the grade 3-5 program before she informed me she was going to the car. Not taking any chances this time I had my boss watch the class while I took her to her car where she said she was staying until I was done.

So I finish up my day, get all the kids to their respective parents, and head to the parking lot where I find gram sleeping in the passenger seat. I climb in the drivers seat and nearly get punched in the face.

"What was that for?"

"You scared me! I didn't know who you were!"

"What do you care? you get in cars with strangers!!! What the hell by the way. How did you even end up in this woman's car?"

"She pulled over and asked if I was lost"

"Oh my God Gram. Do you realize there were only 4 vehicles in this whole town headed to my class room. What if some weirdo had picked you up? What if a nice person had taken you to the high school? HOW WOULD I HAVE FOUND YOU?!"

"I guess you wouldn't have"

"yeah thanks! That makes it better"

Seriously I am NEVER taking this woman out of town again. OMG I lost my grandma. I have a parent who is entrusting her child's care to me show up with the elderly birthday girl I misplaced.