Saturday, June 30, 2012

Oh Canada

It's Canada day weekend



So here is a crash course on why Canada is awesome. And for the 5 Canadians who read this blog you just get a free ego strokin ;)

Now Canadians in general are not a braggy bunch. In fact it took BEER commercials back in the 90's to really get us started on flag waving 



So we developed some national pride. And a few more awesome commercials swelled our heads some more. 



That's right. Catch us on a bad day and we will kick your ass hockey style. Generally though Canada is pretty good natured.

We are a trilingual country. Our official languages are English, French, and Satire.Check out some Royal Canadian Air Farce, or This Hour has 22 Minutes sometime. If Swift had the choice he woudl have been Canadian I am sure.

We are a country that actually believes in equality. We are where the slaves ran to. Where the Loyalist took off to. Where Gay doctors and other professionals are headed because they never have to worry about the next election rendering their marriage invalid. It was us that took in the young men who didn't want to die in Vietnam and gave them safe harbor.

We believe that  no child should die because  mom and dad can't afford a doctor.  

So some say we talk funny 

Well maybe we do.  Have you ever heard someone from Newfoundland  speak?Understanding someone from the bay is an art form. Great people though. I spent a decade living in Newfoundland. It was great because I LOVE to talk. I love talking so much I talk to myself on here. Anyways Newfies are friendly but they all tell stories like Bill Cosby. This bit by Shaun is so spot on I nearly pissed myself laughing 



And when someone from Prince Edward Island wants to start a fight you will damn well know it



Ok so I am picking on the Maritimes here but only because because that is where I live.

But all of Canada is awesome. Our National Anthem is kind of lame but Classified classed it up a few years back. 


Seriously I hope you listened and didn't just skip that song. It is awesome

We have the best Animal mascots in the world. A BEAVER. That's right, we love beaver up here in Canada. We also have a moose. Yummy yummy moose. 

We have awesome food 

Kraft Dinner 


Poutine


Fish and Brewis (ok so that one is nasty but lots of peoepl like it)

we invented Instant potatoes.

You know what else came from Canada 
Basketball, 
Insulin
The Telephone
Nanimo Bars 
Walkie Talikes (think how lame your childhood woudl have been without Canada) 
Snowmobiles
SnowBlowers
Gas MAsk
Sonar
Lacrosse
Ice Hockey 
Trivial Pursuit 
The electron Microscope 
pacemakers
and (your welcome) THE WONDERBRA 

Oh yeah. We made a lot more than that but you know, like I said earlier we aren't real braggy

So now that you want to be canadian I will give you some tips. 

It is Kraft dinner NOT Kraft brans macaroni and cheese. 

It is cheese whiz not cheese spread (no matter the brand. You can buy no name cheese whiz and Kraft dinner up here)

You must prefer Tim Horton's over Starbucks.

If you hate hockey you still have a favorite team

We have a Primeminster

Our politics are confusing to those who didn't grow up here so this is Rick Mercer explaining how shit works in Canada 


And remeber the most impotrant thing about about being Canadian 

SNOWBALL FIGHTS