Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Some things you should NOT do as a couple

The couple who plays together stays together.

The couple who quits smoking together ... well bad shit happens.

I decided a back at the beginning of Feb that I was going to quit smoking on St Patrick's Day. We were partying on Saturday night so quitting on Sunday seemed like a good idea. As the date got closer the idea of quitting smoking for a third and hopefully final time loomed large in my mind. Then came the bombshell. About a week before my quit date appeared in my life Hubby announced he was quitting with me.

Sweet merciful Odin save me. Looks like I will be getting a divorce for Easter.  You would think that not watching hubby smoke would make life easier. There is no Cigarettes in the house and therefor no temptation.

Yeah you would think so.

Let me tell you. If there was a cigarette to be found in this house I would go find it, shove it in Hubby's mouth and light it. I don't say this to be a bad support system or because I want him to fail. I simply say it because I am not quite ready to go to prison yet.

I am a seether by nature. When things piss me off I seethe about it. Sometimes I snap but usually only when I am trying to seethe about too many things at once.

Hubby is a bitcher and a yeller.

So picture this. I am in the kitchen washing dishes. Seething because no one is helping me. Pissed off because I have to stop and let the dog out. Just finished eating and want a cigarette so bad I would stab the Dali Lama for one. When sudden;y Hubby yells at one of the kids. Worse he yells at the kids for ... the same shit he does!

Oh Yeah. So I am trying to quickly weigh my options. Ignore it does  not seem like a good idea because kid needs to know that he didn't really do anything that deserved being yelled at like that. Say something to Hubby, also seems like a bad idea because that will dissolve into a withdrawal fueled screaming match.

I got it. I'm gonna sneak up behind him with a piece of piano wire and murder him. Wait now I am back to my prison dilemma ....

Ok I will just drink some more Coke and see if I can find any cookies.

So moral of the story. If your spouse ever offers to quit smoking with you for moral support just murder them immediately and save yourself the suspense