Thursday, May 23, 2013

Facebook and fake ass bitches

So just in case any of my FB friends ever Google my name and stumble across this blog let me just preface my post with this


Seriously if your feelings are that easily hurt you should probably just drop your internet connection

I am sure it happens on all social networks bu I notice it mostly on FB, probably because I know people IRL and can call them on their fakeness.

Lats start with parenting.  I thought I was the only one who got pissed off at people pretending to be perfect parents. Turns out I am wrong. Nearly half of moms admit to be stressed out by their inability to keep up with the parenting perfection they see displayed on FB, instagram and pintrest. Seriously I don't make this shit up.

I don't get it. I figure moms who have all their shit together are either lying or heavily medicated.

I see so much parenting fakeness.

Please don't post about how you did crafts with your kids and cooked an elaborate dinner and cookies from scratch. That doesn't change the fact that you were snorting lines of percocet the night before.

Don't post about how family is so important to you and you would not change a thing about your life if you could. Do you really expect me to believe that given the choice you would continue on unable to identify your baby daddy? THAT is your ideal?

Oh and seriously don't post about how your kids are the most important thing in the world to you when you abandoned them for a sex partner. More than once. Fuck that noise.

If all you ever post is a sales pitch trying to convince me your life is perfect I suggest you invest the time in therapy instead trying to figure out why you are so invested in convinces the internet you are something special.

So yeah fake ass bitches who play super mom ..... seriously if you never want to strangle your kids once in a while you obviously don't spend enough time with them.

And then there are people in perfect relationships.

yeah seriously I don't care who loves who more! get it off my home page and go wash his dirty underwear for a few years and then come back to me.

Seriously you are NOT that in love. I watched your last 3 breakups and reconciliations on FB. And that was just this week.

And don't even get me started on 14 year olds talking about forever. Trust me dude, someday she will just be someone your current GF is jealous about.

While I am on the subject don't post your breakups online. Seriously if you are on FB calling him names and airing your dirty laundry I am going to guess you are MORE than half the problem.

Oh  yes love is in the air. You know what else in in the air unsolicited advice.

Nothing makes my day quicker than a cliche printed in comic sans across an unattributed picture. Except sarcasm. I do love me some sarcasm.

Seriously do you even READ what you post? Take your own advice. Don't post about serenity when you are the single biggest drama creator I have ever met.

I have noticed most people are better at posting advice than taking their own. Here is a novel idea get your own shit together before you start trying to fix mine.

Facebook is not the place to try and convince people you have your shit together. Save that for a website with some anonymity. Most people on FB know you in real life, no one is buying the shit you peddle